


Finn Clothkiller and the Posterboy of the Resistance or how the tables have turned…

by AgrippaSpoleto



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Cracky, Finn's habit of destroying clothes, Getting Together, Innuendo, M/M, No sex though, Nudity, Poe being a little shit, no clothing was harmed during the writing of this fic, ripped off a certain scene from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes, with FEELS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25587244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgrippaSpoleto/pseuds/AgrippaSpoleto
Summary: Finn seemed to go through clothes faster than a growing toddler. At least according to Poe, who had met toddlers before. But Finn had to concede that one could count the missions which hadn’t resulted in any loss of clothing on one hand. His therapist had mentioned a tendency to protect others with complete disregard to his own life… and clothing. Poe called it a compulsion. As if the pilot was any better. He was just lucky he was in a cockpit most of the time. Less hazardy towards clothing at least.Needless to say it was a bad idea to send them to a cocktail party. Wearing very expensive clothing. Something was bound to go wrong...
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	Finn Clothkiller and the Posterboy of the Resistance or how the tables have turned…

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mssrj_335](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssrj_335/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Don't Make a Bet You Can't Win](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25475446) by [mssrj_335](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssrj_335/pseuds/mssrj_335). 



> This fic was written as a response to mssrj_335's wounderful jacket series. I dared them to write a second part for it and promised some more Finn Clothkiller adventures. Here it is, the long awaited whatever the kriff this turned out to be. It started out as something else, met up with the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie and became... this.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my cracky banter, cloth loss and too many word's about nether regions.  
> Have fun.  
> mssrj, I hope you have as much fun reading this ditty, as I had reading yours! I'm so happy we met!
> 
> PS. In case I've forgotten to tag something, just tell me and I'll add it.

Finn’s eyes widened.

“Excuse me, General, but I thought you just ordered me to charm somebody’s pants off.”

There was a snort from behind him.

“Finn doesn’t need charm to get somebody’s pants off. Wearing them is normally enough”, whispered Poe to Jess, but Finn could hear him clearly. So did the General. Finn glared at the pilot, who just winked at him. The bastard was lucky he was pretty. 

“It’s a figure of speech”, said the General in a tone which did encompass annoyance and amusement as only Leia Organa could. “We need you to charm the residents of Bespin, they have the funds we need and maybe even a few willing recruits. And since Lando isn’t so keen on reckless flyboys anymore, I want _you_ to convince him to help the Resistance once more.”

She patted Finn’s arm. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll do great. Besides, I’m going to send Poe with you. You’ll need a pilot and he can be quite charming if he sets his mind to it.”

That’s how he and Poe had found themselves at this “cocktail party”, sipping eerily expensive champagne, wearing clothes befitting royalty. Which probably cost more than his and Poe’s wardrobe together (to be fair, there was some overlapping happening. Not as much as Poe claimed, though. Yep.). How the General could’ve thought this was a good idea was beyond Finn. He seemed to go through clothes faster than a growing toddler. At least according to Poe, who had met toddlers before. But Finn had to concede that one could count the missions which hadn’t resulted in any loss of clothing on one hand. His therapist had mentioned a tendency to protect others with complete disregard to his own life… and clothing. Poe called it a compulsion. As if the pilot was any better. He just didn’t go through as many clothes as Finn. The former trooper was reasonably sure Jessica Pava had a standing betting pool on how long a particular item of clothing would last. Poe was in it too, the traitor. Still Finn took it all goodnaturedly. It had even afforded him a new nickname: Finn Clothkiller. He wasn’t exactly sure what he thought about it, though. Poe found it hilarious of course. 

Speaking of which, where had the flyboy disappeared to? Finn had lost him about an hour ago and was just about ready to strangle anyone who even came close. If he never had to hear the words “oh, a stormtrooper, how quaint…” again it would still be too soon. A waiter offered Finn a glass with a sweet red wine and he took it. He was just taking a sip, when someone bumped into him from behind. Of course the wine spilled. Directly onto his silk shirt. 

“Kriff!” Finn cursed. Too worried to have ruined yet another shirt, he didn’t even turn to the person who had jostled him but hurried to one of the freshers outside the ballroom. It took him a moment to find one in his haste to salvage the shirt. 

As he was standing in front of the lavatory, only wearing the velvet jacket of his suit, drenching the silk shirt in cold water (since that seemed the only thing that came out of the tap) he heard a scream from the corridor. Finn left the shirt to soak and stormed outside.

“Oi, it’s not that bad, is it?”

That was Poe’s voice. What the kriff had happened? Finn turned around the corner into a chambermaid, who screamed again as they collided. After he calmed her down, she pointed to a room at the end of the corridor. Finn thanked her and sprinted on.

When he crossed the open door, he came to an abrupt halt. He didn’t know what he had expected, but it wasn’t the picture he was seeing now. Poe. Both hands handcuffed to a headboard. Being completely naked. With a pillow conveniently placed between his legs. 

“Finn! Buddy, I’m really happy to see you!”

“Where are your clothes?” Finn’s brain wasn’t really able to latch onto anything else. 

Poe winced.

“Nothing escapes your notice does it? How about I tell you after you get me free?”

Finn nodded, still not really capable of forming coherent words. He looked the handcuffs over. They were really sturdy even though they did have some kind of pink fur covering. At least Poe’s wrists weren’t chaffed. 

“This might hurt”, Finn said carefully, taking hold of one of Poe’s thumbs.

“What?” Poe’s voice had a sharp edge. 

“It’s easiest if I dislocate your thumb to maneuver you out of the cuff.”

“Kriff, Finn! Just use a hairpin.”

“Do I look like I use hairpins? Not all of us have hair growth like you.”

“Are you calling me hairy? There’s one hidden in my belt.”

“You mean the belt you’re not wearing right now.”

Poe glared at him. They were really close right now. Finn could feel the pilot’s breath on his face and his eyes wandered to Poe’s eyes.

“Why aren’t you wearing your shirt anymore?” Poe was asking in a suspicious sounding tone. 

Finn felt his face getting hot and he was glad that his flush didn’t show on his skin. 

“Wine stain”, he said with as much dignity as he could muster. 

“You really can’t get through a mission without ruining something, can you?”

“Says the man cuffed naked to a bed.”

Poe looked up to his hands. 

“I’ll give you that one.”

Finn looked around the room. There was a desk standing in the corner with a sleek looking, old fashioned letter opener laying about. Finn grabbed it and returned to the bed. He tried to lean over without too much touching but it was impossible.

“I’m gonna have to sit on you, otherwise I can’t properly reach the handcuffs.” Finn swallowed hard. He could do this. It wasn’t like he hadn’t imagined this before, ever. This wouldn’t fuel his imagination for weeks, no. Sleep was overrated anyways. 

“Sure”, Poe’s voice had a slightly breathy quality and was about an octave higher than usual.

Finn made sure to position his crotch into the pillow. He wouldn’t survive direct contact with Poe’s … nether regions, that he knew for sure. 

“Aehm, Finn”, Poe said - sounding strangely strangled.

“What?” Finn asked, trying to keep concentrating on the cuffs and not the very attractive yet very naked man under him. 

“I feel something cold and metallic touching my junk…”

Finn’s gaze went to Poe’s face. Absolutely no further. 

“Maybe, it’s the keys…” The pilot looked wrecked. “Fair warning, though. I might be a bit happy to see you.”

Finn’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. 

“And you’ve realised this just now?”

“Yes, Finn. This is not some elaborate plot to show you my dick. I’m not in the habit of flashing it to people, who aren’t interested in seeing it.” Poe still sounded strangled but also annoyed. 

“What if I’dbeinterestedtoseeit?” Finn said, extremely fast.

“What was that?”

Finn took a deep breath. Now or never.

“I said, what if I’d be interested in seeing it?”

Poe stared at him. Wide eyed.

“Kriffing hell, Finn. Of all times to tell me this you had to choose now. When I can’t do anything about it.”

“It never came up in a conversation before…” Finn said a bit defensively. 

“Well, something definitely came up.” Poe wiggled his eyebrows. 

Finn groaned and let his face fall into Poe’s collarbones. 

“How about you check if the keys really are under the pillow. Because I really like where this is going, but I’d prefer to be able to touch and kiss you. You know, great fan of participation.”

Finn’s head shot back up.

“You can kiss me!”

“Finn. I love where your head is, but, please? Focus?!”

Finn shook himself. 

“You’re right.”

He moved back and came to rest above Poe’s knees. Taking a deep breath, Finn removed the pillow. Poe had been right. In front of him - sticking out from underneath the pilot’s quite enthusiastic member - was a set of keys.

“There you are!” 

Finn grabbed the keys and held them in front of Poe’s face.

“What are you doing in my hotel room?” came a voice from behind them. Finn slowly turned his head. “Not that I’m not enjoying the view, mind you.”

“Lando Calrissian. So good to see you again. I would get up but as you can see, I’m a bit tied up.” Poe said. A bit too unperturbed in Finn’s humble opinion. 

He returned the pillow with a bit more oomph than necessary and jumped from the bed and Poe.

“This really isn’t what it looks like.”

Lando Calrissian raised his eyebrows.

“Yet.” Poe threw in helpfully. “It isn’t what it looks like yet.”

Finn’s glare shut him up effectively.

“When Leia said she’d send her most professional people I didn’t expect these kinds of professionals…” Lando said grinning smugly.

Finn just groaned.

Later, it was said that Lando Calrissian’s generous contribution was one of the decisive factors which led to the Resistance victory - despite the considerable financial loss in clothing during the Bespin mission. Jessica Pava of course never let Poe live it down that he had lost a whole set of clothes while Finn had only ruined the one dress shirt. Poe Dameron wisely kept his mouth shot about how he managed to end up in the position Finn found him in. Even Finn never found out despite several attempts to get the pilot to talk. In the end the former trooper didn’t really care since the incident had led to him and Poe finally acting on their feelings for each other. In Finn’s personal opinion it was his new relationship with Poe that was another decisive factor in the war efforts. As Rose had said, a lifetime ago, they should not fight what they hate, but fight for whom they loved. And that was exactly what they did. 

Postscriptum

After the battle of Exegol Poe was frantically searching for his boyfriend. He knew Finn was alive since he saw Lando picking him and Jannah up with the Falcon. But he hadn’t found him yet in the bulk of celebrating beings. He spied Zorii though, who came over to him.

“You’re still alive, then?” she said, the visor of her helmet still closed. 

“Apparently.” Poe offered her his hand.

“A handshake, Dameron? Seriously?” Zorii snorted.

“I remember what happened the last time I touched your shoulder, Bliss. Despite what evil tongues may say I learn from my mistakes.” He grabbed his heart in mock offense.

Zorii laughed heartily at him. 

“That I have yet to see. Besides, I had my revenge, Dameron. I’m not that petty.”

Poe raised his eyebrow in disbelief. 

“I would be careful what you say now, flyboy. I still have a stack of very compromising holos involving you…” The pilot could practically hear the smirk behind the helmet. 

He was just about to offer a witty retort when a pair of very familiar hands embraced him from behind and a kiss was placed under his right ear. While Finn was a very tactile person, he wasn’t overly affectionate in front of people he didn’t trust. So, Poe was very surprised at the open display.

“Someone is happy to see you, Dameron.”

“I’m also happy to see my boyfriend, Bliss.” Poe rolled his eyes at her and sneaked his hand around Finn’s waist and pulled him close. 

His boyfriend grinned smugly at Zorii, who raised her hands in a placatory gesture.

“Don’t worry, I learn from my mistakes too. Congratulations, Dameron. You’ve finally shown some taste.”

Poe flipped her off with a rude gesture. 

“How did he manage to bag you, then? Some cheesy pick up line about how the force must have made you because your eyes shine brighter than any star?”

Finn stared at Poe and mouthed ‘really?”, while the pilot just shrugged, then grinned.

“Actually, I’ve got you to thank for that”, he said nonchalantly. “If I hadn’t caught you on Bespin trying to break into Lando Calrissian’s room, I probably would have had to resort to a cheesy pick up line.”

Finn’s eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“She stole all your clothes and handcuffed you to the headboard?!”

Poe shrugged again. 

“Well, Zorii always held a grudge. And let’s be honest, I deserved that one. I did get half of their runners arrested. She let me off easy.”

“I wouldn’t know about that. I still have the pictures.”

Before Poe could answer, Finn was already saying:

“If you give me those pictures, I’ll introduce you to Jessica Pava. She’s always looking for people who help her prank Poe.”

“Finn!” Poe gaped.

“Deal!” said Zorii at the same time.

Difficult times lay ahead of him, Poe just knew. But then it was only fair. Zorii had let him off easy. 


End file.
